Another year has gone by. Decorations, carols and joyful songs, colors and crowded places are all around. The year is finally over and people are looking forward hoping for a better year. They are getting ready for the resolutions: diets, new jobs, saving money, finding love, having a child, more sleep etc.
From my side, I will sound like Uncle Scrooge or the grumpy Smurf as I have always seen the New Year’s Eve like any other day. I have never planned for resolutions starting that specific day. If I plan a resolution, it could be anytime and I work on it.
However, this year, at this time, I really feel drained, exhausted and looking forward for a ray of hope for the end of the struggles; maybe people are right to choose the 1st of January as a new start with new dreams, hopes and more strength to move forward. By the end of 2016, I lost my energy and I am trying to get back my power to keep going as the last thing that I would do is to give up. I am usually a very positive person and I did well previously in motivating people around. But I know that I don’t do well when it comes to myself; I don’t do well with expressing my emotions and I know very well that even if I have been suffering, I will always be the shoulder for others to cry on, keeping all my feelings to myself because I constantly ask this question: do people actually care when you talk about your pain? I know I am not the center of the world and I’m not an attention seeker. Actually, even if I was, I would have wished not to be. I do not pursue fame or recognition.
More than 2 years ago, I have joined the humanitarian sector, believing in change and believing in humanity and in the humanitarian principles. I have joined believing that this sector makes a real difference even if it is about small acts – a butterfly effect. I know that many people working in the humanitarian sector will relate to this. Working in this field is a constant fight between good and evil. Two types of people usually join this sector (don’t take it as a general rule but this is what I have learned): the real believers in humanity and in serving others and the ones taking advantage of the weaknesses of others for their own personal benefits. I have also learned that even if lies are spread and pretentious people use the weaknesses of others to rise, there will come a day when the truth will prevail and appear. People might be in need and poor but they are not stupid.
I know that I did a lot of good in my life – under several aspects – despite the times where I had to question myself if I was a good person or not based on the struggles I was pushed to endure and the toxic people who tried to put me down. I have never asked for anything in exchange. When I offer my hand to someone, I never look at them in the eyes. I never ask for a thank you. I am not sure why.
By the end of this toxic year, I will remain thankful despite how bad I have been treated because I know there are good people around to treat me better. I am thankful for having those people around. I am also thankful for the clear mind and clean hands. I am thankful for the angels that pass by my life to strengthen my faith. I will still see the good in people. I will still see the beauty. I will still believe in kindness despite the temptation to hurt toxic people the way they hurt me or hurt weak people. I know that I am capable of hurting them but I am strong enough to not let myself go with bad intentions and emotions. I will empower the weak ones when I can. I will remain a shoulder to cry on for people in pain. I will keep trying my best and work on giving a decent life for the ones living in the worst conditions and I will succeed. I will keep moving forward even when I can’t even walk. I will turn my back even if stabbed and walk away when I’m hurt; not because I’m weak but because sometimes letting go is better and less harmful than holding on. I will not forget myself. I will take care of myself. I have tried to fix a lot of people until I have learned that people need to pick themselves up and fix themselves and that I also need to fix myself too. I am a humanitarian and will always believe in the power of good.
Cheers for a better year. Cheers for peace, cheers for the end of bloodshed and end of violence, cheers for a better humanity, for a better environment, for more laughter and good times, cheers for innocent people, for innocent lives, cheers for truthful humanitarian workers!