Sometimes I wonder how career choices are being made. Youth are being required to take that life changing decision about their future at a time when they still need to ask for a permission to speak or to even go to the toilet.
Speaking from my own bubble, I did not make that choice. I have always wanted to be a lawyer, a hero, someone who protects and defends the weak ones. However, I was often seen as one of the “weak ones” (which is not accurate but I believe it was a misinterpretation of my personality given my quiet isolated attitude) so I was pushed to be an engineer which eventually turned out to be not that bad as a career. Well, I keep trying to make the best out of it anyways.
Just on the side note: This article is not actually a biography and I am not going to bore you with my standard normal life but some history won’t harm. Well, (*heroic soundtrack playing in the background) you never know, I might turn out someday to be one of the most inspirational personalities in life.
Now going back from my “lala land” to actual life and reality (*”looney tunes sad trombone” sound effect playing in the background), being now at my mid-career level, I have gone through various stages of development during this journey. Well, to be honest, if I have to compare myself to former university mates who are currently taking managerial positions or have higher degrees and titles, I am less than what is expected. In my defense, I have shifted a stable career to an unstable one; I took risks and looked for challenges; I am becoming passionate about a career that I never liked; I do not really care about having a managerial title, leading a team and wearing the formal serious job outfits. I am enjoying my swat shoes filled with dirt and mud. I chose to combine my technical professional development with my personal maturity growth. I know I took a slow path but I like it. I may be less than what is expected, but I take that as a compliment as I am not seeking recognition for accomplishments or aiming to have a predictable career even though I know where I am going. Challenges keep me alive and push me further regardless of the road and the time.
As part of those lessons that I have learned during the past years, here are 7 work observations/advices that I have experienced and made me look at my career in a different angle at this mid-career stage.
- Do not be the kiss-ass employee.
Well unless you want to reach the top as fast as possible and you do not mind some dirty jobs which could include stabbing the nicest people in their backs or getting to the top on the shoulders of the hard workers who keep trying hard to be recognized. You would be really lucky if you were a kiss ass and did not have to go through some dirty things to quickly reach the top. In all cases, why the rush? Where is the fun? Anyway it is your call, and this is just a mid-career advice.
- Do not confuse kindness with weakness.
This is my biggest vice that often confused people about my character as I am seen (and actually this is who I am) as a kind, quiet, softhearted, and sweet person. People are often shocked when they push me over the edge and I am forced to unleash the dragon that I have swallowed to stand up against injustice and immoralities. However, I believe that such acts should be limited and being nice and kind is a sign of strength and that a smile doesn’t kill but actually can reduce the stress of the nervous colleagues when they need it most. Be kind as much as you can. Respect others regardless of your feelings towards them. Listen to others, do not interrupt even when you strongly disagree. Listen to them, you might be the only one who had done it for them for a long time. Use your heart when you have to. We all need it around us especially that we all know now the secret of life: it never goes as expected and has its downs more than its ups. But again, do not use it blindly. This is not love. This is respect.
- Be a Swiss knife.
Be a toolbox, not a tool. Know how to use each one of the tools you have, learn to open doors, cut off useless things, fix mistakes, have your own shape, taste, ideas, opinions and mostly be independent.
- Be real.
Just be true and honest. Do not overthink or over-analyze, it is a complete waste of time. Keep your feet on earth and avoid utopic discussions. This is not meant to underestimate your wills and powers to make a change. On the opposite, I am a huge believer of the ability of each one of us to make a difference. But we should also know our limits. If you don’t know something, do not pretend to know it. Ignorance can be well disguised in a self-confidence costume. Do not exaggerate, you would lose your credibility. People can’t do much when you keep nagging about how much work you have and that you can barely breathe; well in another dimension where honesty is not a sin, another colleague would have told you: “nagging consumes oxygen more than the actual act of breathing”. Be positive and strong. If you are really overloaded, you wouldn’t have time to nag and you would have needed the peace and strength to focus on finishing the load.
- Keep your personal life away.
This is not high-school. Talking about how mean your family is and sharing your personal problems are not the thing here; well, unless you and your colleagues have really nothing to do (and this is not a career). Take off your personal clothes before you leave home. Try to be a morning person even if you’re not. I am not asking you to laugh out loud at 7 AM in the office. Just smile. Be friendly. Be kind. Each one of your colleagues has been through hard times. You wouldn’t know if that constant smiling office lady is being hit by her husband every single night; you wouldn’t know that the old security man is still searching for incomes to buy the expensive treatment for his dying wife. On the other hand, feel free to share feelings during happy hours after work if you managed to create friendships at work. It is a double life, and I am sorry about that but it is a fact.
- Take notes if you tend to forget.
I am always amazed by the ability of some waiters in certain restaurants to memorize orders without writing them down. I guess it needs practice. From my side, I take notes. I keep an agenda and a pen and use them to memorize important ideas. I have too many things in my head, it is so messy up there so writing down important ideas helps. It is like an external hard-disk when your built-in hard disk is full.
- Enjoy the career.
Thinking about it, your life revolves around this career. It is what you are going to do for a long period of time. You would have lived a wasted life if you hate your career. Invest in it, invest in yourself. Shift it to make it fit with what you want. Even if you hate it, you can always make it better and reach a point to be passionate about it. Take decisions, take risks. If you hate your boss, leave. If you are bored, leave. Do not “go to the grave with the song still in you” as per Thoreau’s saying. Do not give up when you make wrong investments. Fight to make things right and enjoy the victory when you fix your mistakes. Enjoy the career. Take it seriously but not too seriously. Make it agreeable, make it fun, mix it with a sense of humor. Laugh at yourself when you mess up and challenge yourself to fix the mess. Don’t look for stability. Look for progression, development, challenges. Seek self-satisfaction rather than recognition. Be a man/woman of power, have a vision, a goal and never give up. Enjoy your career.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Dina Hajjar is NOT an award winning author, she is NOT an inspirational public figure, she does NOT have any best-selling book. She is a mid-career normal employee sharing her experience and lessons learned and is seeking continuous development and career challenges.
Also published on linkedin:
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/mid-career-crisis-instructions-dina-hajjar?published=t
Dina Hajjar 